the one who buggers a fire burns his penis

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every porn ever

guy: *touches girl on the arm*




This is what constitutes 60-80% of my dash

This girl is cool

have you ever been so wildly attracted to someone you can actually feel it driving you insane





things said in majority of movies:

  • "she’s not just some girl!"
  • "I should have told you this a long time ago."
  • "I’m not a little girl anymore!!"
  • "but I love him!!"

-“You’re giving up your dream!”
  “No dad, I’m giving up YOUR dream.”

"I knew your father. He was a good man."

*girl walks downstairs*

Guy: Wow… you look… great.


when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

name ➔ Cat
birth place ➔ i sprouted in brussels… get it??
where do i live ➔ still brussels
hair color ➔ brown
eye color ➔ between poop brown and dark coal
birthday ➔ 03/27/96
gender ➔ female
lefty or righty ➔ righty
single or taken? ➔ taken by JESUS
happy? ➔ not miserable


are you in love ➔ …. uhhh… next question
do you believe in love at first sight ➔ no
who ended your last relationship ➔ umm didn’t have any last relationship, well… i guess kindergarten doesn’t count
have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ i don’t think so, not intentionally anyway
are you afraid of commitments ➔ i dunno, probably not
have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ yes
have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ when i was 12, and i never found out who it was. i remember i got a little note that said “you probably don’t care about me but i really like you” and there was an ugly little necklace attached it to it, i threw it away because i was an asshole (and i wasn’t interested in anyone) but now that i think of it, it was really sweet…
have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ wtf does that mean
do you usually spend valentine’s day alone ➔ yes
short or long-term relationships? ➔ uhhh didn’t have any romantic relationships at all


love or lust ➔ why not zoidberg?
lemonade or iced tea ➔ iced tea, it makes me feel healthier because it has the word “tea” in it
cats or dogs ➔ i love dogs but CATS
a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ i have many regular friends…….. but i’d choose a few bffs
television or internet ➔ internet all day everyday
pepsi or coke ➔ coke
wild night out or romantic night in ➔ never tried one of those “romantic nights” so i dunno, imma choose wild night out
day or night ➔ night
text or call ➔ text
make-up or au naturel? ➔ makeup cuz i’m an ugly monkey


been caught sneaking out? ➔ no
fallen down/up the stairs? ➔ never fell up. I usually fell down.
wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ yeah
prank called a store? ➔ who does that? (it’s not ironic, i’m serious)
skipped school? ➔ yeahhh… good times…
wanted to disappear? ➔ school often gives you this vibe
spent all your money? ➔ yes
met a celebrity? ➔ saw Robert Sheehan in brussels 2months ago and didn’t say hello to him cuz i didn’t think it was him, and it turned out to be him
been really ill? ➔  don’t remember but i was 3months old and i choked on my milk and couldn’t breathe so i ended up in the hospital and shit.
gotten high? ➔ yes and it sucked ass. weed just makes you wanna sleep and do nothing with your life, which is basically how i already am so that was pointless


smile or eyes ➔ guys with cute smiles is my main weakness
light or dark hair ➔ don’t care as long as they got hair
shorter or taller ➔ taller
intelligence or attraction ➔ honestly it depends on the person, i used to be in love with a guy who’s really smart but not really attractive, then i got this huge crush on a guy who’s really cute but a tiny bit dense sometimes
hook-up or relationship ➔ relationship
funny and poor or rich and serious ➔ funny and poor. i really can’t stand people who are too serious about everything, idgaf about their bank account
mac or pc? ➔ pc, because it’s cheaper
chapstick or lipstick? ➔ lipstick
city or country? ➔ city. i always lived in the city and it’s awesome, you got everything nearby, you don’t feel cut out from the civilization ….
driving or walking? ➔ walking


last phone call? ➔ last phone call i received was yesterday, it was a hidden number and when i asked whom it was i got no answer. it’s not the first time that’s happened and man that is CREEPY

last song you listened to? ➔ this one

last thing you ate? ➔ gazpacho
last thing you drank? ➔ oasis
last place you were? ➔ my room….
last kiss? ➔ 1month ago, my friend kissed me after prom cuz he was drunk
last picture taken? ➔ pictures of an island i was visiting 2weeks ago
last outfit? ➔  black skinny jeans, white crop top (yes i dress like a hipsturrrr shutup)
last purchase? ➔ 4 bottles of bacardi breezers that shit tastes good ok

Anonymous: what would you do if you woke up one morning and you were a good-looking, middle-aged man with a husky voice and anger issues